How to stop second guessing
Have you ever noticed that you need to consult with ALL your friends when you are trying to make a decision?
Do you need to get their votes?
Do you find yourself concerned or disappointed when their votes don’t match your original choice or thought?
Do you keep decisions that you made by yourself secret “just in case they backfire”?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! This is such a common low confidence cycle. Most people I work with do this in the beginning of our work together. I’m usually their “secret” support that they are afraid of being judged for - basically their “dirty little secret.” Luckily, I don’t mind!
Trusting your inner voice, aka intuition, is a foundational building block of confidence. This doesn’t mean that other’s opinions and points of view can’t be taken into account, they can be, but just as information for your own decision, not as the “right or wrong” vote.
When I work through this with my clients we explore their inner voice and distinguish the fear dialogue from the intuition. Here’s how:
Step 1: We listen to the stories that are coming up for them which often include things like:
“If I make a choice and it doesn't work out exactly as I say then everyone will know I’m a fraud”
“I should know exactly how each of these will turn out”
“Everyone else makes decisions so easily, there must be something wrong with me.”
Step 2: We note the physical experience of those thoughts:
Jittery feeling, shallow breathing, cloudy head, tense shoulders & neck, shaking leg/foot, restless energy, etc
Step 3: We take a few deep breaths to give that jittery, tense and restless energy a minute to release
Step 4: We identify the choice the client is leaning towards and the reasons for that choice
Step 5: We tap into intuition by noting the physical experience of that choice. This is where the magic happens, this goes one of two ways:
The client is very calm and clear about their choice. They notice they are breathing slower and more steadily, that their head clears and they feel a lightness. OR
The client is amused that they even considered the choice, they realize it was based on fear and uncertainty - and that realization feels clear, calm, soothing.
Intuition and fear can be tricky to distinguish on your own, especially in the throws of uncertainty. When a life coach helps you break down the thoughts and experiences of a choice, you start to train yourself to get their on your own.
After a few hand in hand walk-throughs with me, my clients start to talk their way through this process on their own in 5 minutes or less! This is how we build our decision making muscle and grow confidence!
You can ABSOLUTELY practice this on your own. And if you want to move it along faster, reach out to a life coach to get that muscle strengthened even faster!
I also LOVE to do live spot coaching in my Facebook Group (which is completely free BTW).
It's a new decade and, if you are part of my world, I am making it VERY HARD to miss your mark.